Schizo Talking
Okay fine. I have commitment issues. Serious commitment issues. I am not the first to open up. It takes a lot of thought, a lot of serious discernment, before I get to say what I ought to said long before I’ve said it. I always want to be sure about how I feel, careful not to hurt anyone, because I’ve seen how women can get hurt. And thus, I end up hurting myself.Why am I saying this? I don’t know, exactly.
Maybe because my Ideal Girl Incarnated is coming home in 2 weeks, and I’m excited to see her. I’m excited to see her, even though I know she’s excited to see someone else, and probably not as ecstatic to see me. Part of me thinks I should’ve told her how I felt back when she was here…but part of me thinks I did right by not telling her – I knew, I knew even then, she was not into me…not in the way I wanted her to be.
Or maybe because I just lectured on my online crush in her blog; if I couldn’t be any more disrespectful. But I just felt the need at that time to say what I did say because I know a lot of people are reading her blog and perhaps people should be more appreciative of the blessings in their life, considering 80% of Filipinos are very much deprived. [That was a mouthful].
Or maybe because my recent entries have been so intriguing drawing attention that I wasn’t ready for. I don’t mean to be aloof or snob, maybe I’m just afraid of letting my guard down. Afraid that I’ll lose my relative anonymity. Afraid to be out in the open and be so vulnerable. [That’s Creepy! That sounds so like a soap opera dialogue].
Or maybe that Keanu Reeves-Sandra Bullock movie we saw just made me soft and gooey and unbelievable corny.
Maybe coz it’s a Friday and me and my sis are going car shopping this weekend; Although I’m not entirely sure how much I can afford to shell out for monthly installments, but I’m afraid I’ll frustrate her even more if I delay the purchase again by a few more months.
Or maybe coz it’s Father’s Day on Sunday and I’m still battling with myself on whether or not my father deserves a greeting…
posted by GOMZ @ 3:13 pm
4 Comments:
She's particularly brilliant, and I know she knows.
On another note, you think I was a little harsh on my comment with Ms. Triple A? I feel like a guidance counselor lecturing a student. I didn't mean to be mean nor to embarass her.
Stil in love?
Go great your Dad, all fathers deserve a greeting in one way or the other :)
@JAIRAM: I'm not sure if I'm still in love. And yes, I did greet him, but just that. A greeting. No gift. No sentimental stuff. Just a greeting.
@IVAH: but i don't think she'll take it negatively enough to hate you.
maybe she won't hate me. but she is closing down her blog. my comment was probably the last straw to her. maybe she thinks I'm too pakialamero.
Yoko nang magreact dun. Baka masyado na akong atribido. But I will probably miss her. No. I will definitely miss her. Terribly. It's been therapeutic reading her blog, inasmuch as it's therapeutic writing mine.
I didn't assume am the ONLY reason. Iniisip ko lang baka kasi pikon na siya sa maraming tao. tapos meron pang nag-lecture ka kanya kaya lalong napikon. parang LAST STRAW. Siguro di sanay na napagsasabihan bluntly ng ganun. unlike si Ala. When somebody disses her, she fights back. Maybe because she's a real celeb.
Si triple A kasi she's famous because she is. So baka di sanay sa mga ganun.
Pero lahat naman yata ng taong may public blog subject to scrutiny. Even ako. The difference is, nobody comes here, or not a lot of people do.
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